MuNgkiN kaRNa aKu GeNtaR…
I have been told that i think too much…Yes, maybe it’s true…Well, that explains the stupid zits kept popping up on my ‘surface-of-moon-like-complexion’ lately, i guess–umm, partly because i hate vege too…
Anyways, this FEAR OF CONSEQUENCES has been bugging me lately…I dunno whether I should talk about it… I dunno why i get these goosebumps in the first place, just by thinking about it…
Yes, i love him – with all my heart, i do… we’ve been going out for a while now, yet we never dare to pursue to the next stage… I dunno how to explain this dubious roadblock in my relationship… the hesitance to take the plunge…How do I deal with this?
I always believe that i am a committed person when it comes to relationship…However, when it comes towards deepening the relationship we’ve build for years now, i somehow felt…err…insecure-yet-tempted at the same time? Urghhh…it’s complicated!…No-wait, i’m complicated!
Lots of things have been running through my mind lately…
* fear of rejection * fear of unnecessary vulnerability * fear of emotional & even physical commitment * fear of sacrifices * fear of financial stability * fear of failure to fulfill other people’s expectations *
Yeah-I know.. this is full of tired excuses.. it’s just too hard to say.. how i wish it was simple anyway…
Ya Allah, liberate me from fear…give me the wisdom to think positively; give me the courage to stand by the truth; give me the openness to connect to those who care about me all this while; give me a smile, a clean heart and a winning attitude which conquers others; give me more of the world so I can spend in Your Path; give me the perspective that I need to remain satisfied with what You bless me with…
Ya Allah, forgive my sins and shortcomings and allow me to enter Jannah. Keep me on the straight path once You have guided me to it…
Amin, Yarabbal’ Alamin~
Uncategorized | Comments (2)“MeN aRe fRoM mARs, wOMeN aRe fRoM VeNus”
I met an old friend of mine recently, as she intends to pass me personally her wedding invitation. As I opened gently her beautifully crafted wedding invitation card, she nervously popped up a question to me “Err…don’t mean to be busybody, but uhh..are you still with ‘what’s-his-name’? How are you guys coming along?” she asked, partly because she has indicated in her invites; “Hazrin Hanim & Partner” <– to be on the safe side incase “we” are no longer an item (I find the phrasing sounds more like a name of a law firm though! =P) and partly because she was trying to be “kay-poh”, I supposed.
“Hmm, how amazing…” she replied skeptically as I defended my fort. “Considering that you guys are so….err…DIFFERENT altogether…”, she continued. (Whatever that means!)
I am searching for the right words…
Lost in thoughts, I nod my head slowly and she gave me a little smile, misreading it as a sign of my understanding of her statement.
Well, thinking along that line…I must say that despite HIM being a REALLY TERRIFIC PERSON –considering that we have gone through ups and downs together, obviously we and some people might know that sometimes we were trying too hard to appear we were enjoying each other’s interests.
Possibly because the things that interest me hardly interest him and, likewise, the things that he really enjoys pretty much bores me to tears.
John Gray, in his book, ‘MEN ARE FROM MARS, WOMEN ARE FROM VENUS’, says that “each year millions of couples join together in love and then painfully separate because they have lost that loving feeling. From those who are able to sustain love long enough to get married, only 50% stay married. Out of those who stay together, possibly another 50% are not fulfilled. They stay together out of loyalty and obligation or from the fear of starting all over.”
According to Gray, very few people are able to grow in love. And the reason is simple. As the initial magical feeling reduces, daily life (work, salaries, bills, kids) takes over. And even as these changes start happening, Men continue to expect women to think and react like men.
They are unaware of the difference between a man and a woman. And when you are not aware of the difference, it’s not possible to respect and understand the woman. This in turn leads to unreasonable demands being made, resentfulness, and intolerance.
Well Gray’s solution is clear, if not simple: understand the differences of the opposite sex. Once we can do that, solutions can be found to potential problems. Love can only last if we remember our differences. Read the book for more.
A simple depiction of my relationship with my other half is–UNIQUE. The feeling of connection is so wonderful and powerful and strange that it really doesn’t matter so much to you that it comes from someone who is not what you might have seen yourself initially looking for in a partner. You try your best to empathize with his passion. You translate them into your own so it seems much closer to your heart than it might really be. Sometimes you just flat out make excuses and tell yourself that as time goes by, you’ll lose some of the awkwardness or extremity that separates his interests from your own. Sometimes you give yours up altogether or just ignore the parts that are different. And that my friend, we call it–SACRIFICES.
However, I must say that despite the devotional sacrifices, I am sensible enough to realize what maybe irrational sacrifices I have to contemplate to. This is where I might be quite a rebel, sticking up to my judgments and principles in life; or so they called it in laymen’s terms–-STUBBORN-HEADED (as he would perceive me, normally!)
Well, yeah - you can say that falling in love is easy, but staying in love is not as easy as you might think so…
Do you know that the images of sweaty athletic hunks with tight ass in football matches make good sleeping pills for me as I normally snooze easily visualizing their existence in my dreams instead — and how infuriating it can be while my other half was explaining how tiptop the tackling was during the football match only to turn around and see me snoring away?
Not to mention my bubbly-ness in sharing my excitement in latest music gigs whereabouts– only to be shoved aside with a snappy detrimental statement like “For God’s sake, please grow up, dear… This is kids’ stuff!”
Anyways…
After some bumps along the way, at first I thought that it is highly important that to sustain in a relationship, a couple needs to share many common interests in order to drive the relationship forward.
However along the way, we have realized that; common interests do not keep a couple together - common dreams do. If you have similar hopes and visions, the character and personality differences between two people rarely matter.
This is just from my humble opinion, where loving someone and being loved in return depends on whether or not you can cope with your partner’s flaws (i.e; contradiction in passion, other person’s insecurities, bad habits, odd behaviours, poor choices or unattractive qualities). That is what love is about.
Being attracted to each other is the start of a relationship, but falling in love is determined by your ability to accept your partner the way he is and vice versa. You won’t be able to change him much, and he surely won’t be able to change you a lot. You can help each other out, so that together you’ll be stronger than if you were apart–and that’s magical.
And while our cat fights and make-ups may contribute towards keeping us together, it’s really our differences that drive us forward. We’ve learnt not to moan about how dissimilar we are - we’ve learnt to embrace it instead.
It’s just a matter of compromising. We just have to “give-and-take” simply because we can’t do it all by ourselves that we need each other. I fill in his blanks and he fills in mine…
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